Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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