i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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