How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
