I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
