just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A bitchslap is in order.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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