boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
