Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
