i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
