dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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