Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
