There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
