Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
