you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
