if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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