I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize