Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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