my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I look better un-naked...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
