Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
