Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
