If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
