and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
