that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
