im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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