We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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