The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
