My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
