Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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