Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
