You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
