Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
