WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
