i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
