That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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