Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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