Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
