I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
