didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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