Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
