I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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