Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
