Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize