so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
