i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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