some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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