I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it hurts more in the daytime
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
