my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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