"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize