I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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