so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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