I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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