3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
