we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
