I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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