Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
