you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
