She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
