why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
