Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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