spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
