Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
