You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
