The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The beer is more important than you right now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I die, sorry about rent.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
