that's an acceptable place to lick
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
