I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize