so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
