When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize