It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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