i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
