While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize