i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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