apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
