Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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