In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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